A few days ago, we were watching the news, and a lady came on to discuss various aspects of parenting.  She talked about how many parents brag about how their kids are ” so smart “, or how amazing their athletic abilities are.  Most of us have heard people telling us how their daughter has the highest mark in a certain class at school, won some award, or skipped a grade.  They may excitedly share how their son is the best soccer player on the team, or how he won a sports scholarship. ( It is natural for parents to be proud of their childrens’ academic and athletic achievements, but there is more )

     The thing that stuck out for me about this lady on the news is that she said she always asks parents, ( after hearing  the aforementioned boasting ) ” but, are they kind ? “  She said this question generally takes parents aback.  The lady went on to explain that yes, it is wonderful when kids excel in school, or in sports, (or whatever ) but to her, there are far more important things.  What matters most to this woman is that her children are kind and thoughtful towards others - both of which are learned behaviours.  She went on to say that we can’t make our kids be great at certain subjects or activities - they will be good at some things, enjoy some things, and not others - that is pre-programmed to a degree.  However, if we teach them by example from a young age to genuinely care about others, and be kind, now that is an accomplishment to be proud of.  ( it means they will likely grow up to be decent people who treat others with respect and dignity - something that used to be expected and normal, but is now, sadly, a rarity. )

     She told a story of how one of her son’s teachers had asked him,  “Why are you so nice ? “, and he answered, ” My Mom made me be that way “.  She had stopped and thought about it, and realized her son was right.  Again, being nice is a learned behaviour - children see it, keep being reminded of it ( and that it is good and right ) and eventually, it becomes part of who they are.  In my opinion, that is being a good parent - encouraging your children to care about others is vital.

     I think it’s wonderful when parents are proud of their children, and I think they should always support their interests ( as long as they aren’t hurting anyone, obviously ) and never try and steer them in a direction that they really don’t want to go.  Every child is an individual, and they deserve to be encouraged to express themselves accordingly.  Just because you did well in a certain class doesn’t mean your son must follow suit.  He is not you - let him be who he is.  If your daughter gets a weird haircut or wears what you consider bizarre clothes, so what ?  That’s all cosmetic and superficial in the big scheme of things.  If you brought them up properly, they’ll be good kids ( and great adults one day ) regardless of what they choose to wear.

     So, next time you hear a parent going on and on about all the things their kids have ” done ” - why not ask them, “Are they kind ? “  If the answer is ” Yes “, then the parent should be proud of themselves for caring enough to teach things of real value in this world.  We could certainly use a lot more kindness in today’s society.

     This may sound like a strange topic for a Blog post, but it is something that has been bothering me for several years, and I just can’t keep silent about it any longer.  Do you remember when you were a little kid, and you’d go for dinner at a restaurant with your parents, and on your way out, you would notice the little bowl of mints near the entrance/exit ? ( you know - those tiny square ones that came in pink, green, white and yellow )  I always recall thinking how I’d like to grab a few of those on my way out the door, the idea obviously being that you’d just eaten, and it would make your breath fresh.  ( I just wanted them because they were candy, and were sweet, and we weren’t allowed many sweets at home. )

     I never did eat those mints, as I was warned that they’d done studies on the bacteria count on candies etc. sitting out for anyone to help themselves to in restaurants, and it was apparently quite scary.  The premise was that most men don’t wash their hands after using the men’s room, and therefore, they would transfer yucky stuff to the remaining candies as they reached for some.  The thought of that was more than enough to guarantee that I would never go for an unwrapped candy in a public place ever again.

     It’s funny - as a child, I mostly heard that it was men who rarely washed their hands after using the bathroom.  I’m sure there are a lot of men who don’t do it, but it wasn’t until I was a grown woman that I made some observations of my own regarding handwashing.

     After working in a couple of grocery stores, and seeing signs posted regarding the proper handwashing technique: you must wash your hands in warm or hot SOAPY water for a minimum of 20 seconds, I assumed that most people knew how to properly wash their hands.  Didn’t everbody’s Mom teach them, like mine did ?  I thought that was one of the most very basic things that we were all taught as children.  Well, either  there are a lot of uninformed people out there, or they have forgotten what they were taught, or they are just plain lazy.  It is not just men who don’t wash their hands.

     Having worked in several malls over the years, and having used public washrooms at least 5 days/ week, I have seen a lot of unsavoury things.  The thing that really disturbs me is how few women actually wash their hands.  I first noticed it a couple of years ago, and wondered if I was being silly.  I ” Googled ” proper handwashing, and read some very interesting articles about studies done where people went into public washrooms basically to observe what percentage of women truly washed their hands.  They found that if they made eye contact with other women, as they were washing their own hands, they were more likely to do the same.  If they pretended to ignore them, they could see out of their peripheral vision that most women didn’t bother.

     After reading all that stuff, I decided to make some of my own observations.  Like I said, I am generally in a public washrooms at least 5 days per week, so I literally see hundreds of women coming and going each week.  I hate to say it, but I would have to report that probably 60% of women come out of the stall, and walk out the door.  Maybe 30% turn on the tap for less than 10 seconds, ” rinse ” their hands with water ( not using soap, therefore not really doing any good ) then leave.  It is maybe 10% that actually seem to care enough to use warm/hot water, get a good lather going with the soap, and turn the germ - laden taps off with a paper towel, so as to not re-contaminate themselves.  These observations are incredibly disgusting, and I find it really hard to believe that I see this day in and day out.  Make no mistake - it is women from all walks of life - even the ” well-dressed ” and supposedly well-educated set.

     I just don’t get it.  This is just basic hygiene - this is how we keep clean, stay healthy, prevent ourselves and others from getting sick.  Why are there so many women that don’t wash their hands properly ? It is just so gross.

      I would love to hear some comments from anyone that works in the Health Care field - especially regarding the fact that SOAP is a necessary part of proper handwashing.  I have discussed this with a few people before - one even suggested to me that there is no proof that using soap is any better than just using water.   Unbelievable.

     As I mentioned in my last Blog post, my producer Jarome Matthew has been away for a couple of months, travelling, and working with some other Pro Soul Artists.  Jarome always keeps in touch with me while he is away, letting me know what’s going on, and when he’ll be back in Vancouver.  Well, he’s home now, and we’re anxious to get me back in the Studio to record my next 80’s - inspired song.

     This next track we’re working on is a dance track, and I’m hoping we’ll get some airplay in some of my favourite Vancouver Clubs eventually.  The song was written by the incredibly talented singer/songwriter Darryl Kromm ( of Canadian Band Strange Advance ) and it will be our second time working with him on this 80’s project.  Darryl was kind enough to do backup vocals for me on my cover of Human League’s ” ( Keep Feeling ) Fascination ” a while back, and now he is allowing us to use one of his original songs that the public has never heard. We are thrilled ( and extremely grateful ) to be working with Darryl again, and very excited to have such amazing material to work with.

     Now that Jarome and his lovely wife Felisha are back from their travels, it’s just a matter of setting up a time that works with both our busy schedules  - I can’t wait to record this very cool song !  I will continue to rehearse it for the next little while, but am sure we’ll be in the Studio with it before Summer.  I’ll keep you posted.

          When people find out that I sing, they often ask me, ” Where can I get you music ? “.  Many people prefer to download their songs now, so everything I’ve recorded so far ( both the Jazz stuff, and the 80’s tunes ) can easily be found on iTunes. 

          If you would rather have an actual CD to play, and if you like Big Band/Swing/Lounge Music from the 1920’s - 1950’s, then CD Baby is where you can order my CD called “I’m Beginning To See The Light “.  There are not many copies left, so if you’ve been thinking about getting a copy of my very first CD, then the time is right …

           I am so grateful to all of you that have already purchased my CD, and/or downloaded some of my songs.  It really means a lot to me to have your support, and your feedback is always appreciated, as well.  Some people seem to like the older music best, while others dig the 80’s songs.  It is always great to hear what you like most, and why.  Please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts on my music - I’d love to hear from you !

          Right now, I am rehearsing a new 80’s style song, and will likely be recording it in the Spring, now that my Producer Jarome Matthew  is finally home from a busy trip away, working with various other Pro-Soul  Artists.  I am looking forward to getting back into the Studio and recording, as well as hearing all about Jarome’s trip, and all the amazing music he produced while travelling. 

          My last two 80’s songs were cover tunes, but the one we’re working on right now has never been heard by the general public, so we are very excited about it.  We’ll keep you posted …

     I was talking to a friend of mine a few years ago ( who happens to be a very wise woman ) about the fact that I was tired of life being such a struggle, full of disappointments, and basically just so difficult, at times.    I had recently lost several good friends  - most in their 40’s - to various things, such as heart attacks, and cancer.  A close relative had a stroke, and a couple others were ill, as well.  I was unhappy with the job I was at, and tired of the routine - working hard to try and pay the bills, and having little time or energy left over for much else.

     I told her that I didn’t feel very hopeful at the time, since I was surrounded by so many sad things.  I felt as though I couldn’t cry any more, and it just didn’t feel like there was much to look forward to.

     Earlier that day, as I was walking to her place to visit her, the sun was shining on my face, and it made me feel kind of giddy. ( I love the feeling of the warm sun on my skin - it always makes me feel good. )  When I told her that, she looked at me seriously, and said ” All we have are moments “, and I didn’t quite “get” what she meant, at first.  She was referring to the fact that life is not one long series of wonderful events without anything negative - that is not reality.  Life is hard - sometimes extremely difficult - but real joy comes from recognizing those ” moments ” that make us smile, make us feel good, make us laugh, whatever.

     We need to focus on those moments - even if they are rare, and brief - instead of all the other sad, disappointing , unfulfilling things in our lives.

     I remember telling her at the time that I only had those kinds of moments maybe 3 or 4 times a year, and she thought that was sad, if it were true.  She pointed out that the way the sun on my face made me feel was one, the way I felt when I was on a dancefloor, ( so free ) the feeling I got when a friend hugged me … and it started to sink in.

     It has been several years since that conversation, and many things have happened and changed in my life since then - both good, and bad - but I have come a long way in terms of how I view life.  Yes, life is still difficult, and things certainly don’t always turn out the way you think/hope they will, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it.  I am much better at recognizing the ” little things ” that often go unnoticed, or get taken for granted - the things that genuinely bring a smile to my face, or make me feel good.

     For me, it can be a breathtaking view from a cliff overlooking the water, after a long hike, or the feeling of a friend’s arms around me whom I haven’t seen in months.  It is anything that brings me joy, warms me, makes me smile for real - simple things, unplanned things.

     Life may not be everything we want it to be all of the time, but if we are open to it, pretty much every day has at least one ” moment ” worth noting.  Those are the times I now focus on, and enjoy - and it helps get me through the rest.

     I have wanted to write a blog post about this topic for a while now, but wasn’t quite sure where to start.  I knew how I felt on the subject, but wasn’t sure how people may react to my point of view.  You see, I am not o.k. with an ” ordinary life “.  Being ” content ” would never be enough for me, nor would doing things the way everyone else does. That would just be boring.  I have never been a ” sheep ” that follows the crowd - I prefer to have my own thoughts.   I really believe that there must be more to life than the whole work-eat-sleep routine I have often referred to in my posts.  Existing is what many do - I would like to ” live “, and fully experience life, and all the joys it can bring.  Finding the key to doing that may be the tricky part …

     As I was reading the little local paper this morning, I glanced at my Horoscope, and was struck by what I read : ” For some people, living their dreams is not simply a nice idea, it is a duty.  You may be one such person. “  Now, whether you believe in horoscopes or not, this expressed precisely how I feel.  It went on to talk about the fact that I should stop worrying about the ” how and why “, and that I should take some risks.  ( something I rarely do )  It also said ” as ready as you are to embark on an adventure, a few key things must change . ”

     This all made total sense to me.  I absolutely feel that life is too short and precious to waste doing things that bring you no joy.  Most of us, at some time in our lives, have had jobs that we go to just for the paycheque, just to try and pay the bills.  We may have absolutely no interest in our job, have no desire to go there, but we dutifully go, because ” that’s what everyone does “.  We tell ourselves, ” It’s not forever “, ” it’s a means to an end ” or a ” stepping stone “, but we all know those months turn into years, and next thing we know, we’ll be retiring, and wondering why we never tried anything that really interested us, or made us happy. Work is just one example of how we sell ourselves short in life, but you get my point.

     In the past 5 years, I have thought of the things I most wanted to do, ( make a CD, and meet my childhood crush ) and have gone out and made them happen.  It’s not always easy, and things don’t always turn out quite as you expect, but even having accomplished those 2 small things ( significant to me, though ) I now have proof that dreams can come true.   We all have things we would love to do, given the opportunity - often this would require a lot of money, and/or free time - so it rarely becomes reality.   For example, I would love nothing more than to be able to work on my music every day, to have the free time to dedicate to it, that is necessary to get anywhere.  I fantasize about how wonderful it would feel to not have to go to work every day to try and pay the mortgage, or worry about bills all the time. 

     I often wonder how the ” lucky ones ” feel - the people that are already doing something they truly love and are passionate about, and either have someone financially backing or supporting them ( so they don’t have to drain their time and energy with a ” day job ” ) or they’re already making a living doing what brings them joy.  I wonder if those rare few people really realize how fortunate they are, and that they are by far the exception to the rule.  Obviously, there are those that are handed things, but I think most people that are living their lives doing what they really want to have worked very hard to make it happen.  These people were not o.k. being ” content” , either - they wanted more, and after putting their minds to it, and being willing to put in the work, time, effort and dedication needed, made things happen for themselves.  They did not just sit around wishing for a better life - they did something about it.

     It always makes me sad when I see people who look like they are weary of life.  ( I have seen that in the mirror before - I certainly don’t pretend to be happy all the time )  I wonder what those people hoped for during their lifetime.  Were there exotic destinations they’d hoped to visit one day, did they want to be an Actor, but their parents discouraged them ?  I just feel that most people, for whatever reasons, don’t allow themselves to do the things that would make them happy.  We are our own worst enemies, for the most part.  We limit ourselves, put invisible ” roadblocks ” in our own paths.  It’s easy to say ” Life has dealt me a bad hand ” or whatever, and just not bother trying based on that, but everyone deserves better than that.  It is also easy to think others are better off than us, financially, socially, whatever, but until you live their lives, you don’t really know - it is just your perception of them.  Everybody has struggles, everyone has pain - nobody has a ” perfect life “, despite appearances.

     There are a lot of things in my own life that need to change before I will feel I have truly done all I can to realize all of my own goals/dreams.  I am working on it, but am fully aware that I have a long way to go.  Perhaps not every goal will be reached, and that’s alright, as long as I at least care about myself enough to try.  It’s time to stop with the excuses/reasons why I can’t /shouldn’t do things, it’s time to stop limiting myself, or feeling I am not worthy of real happiness.  This is not just about me - most people I know are not ” living ” their lives either, they are caught in a rut, a routine, what they feel is ” normal “, what we are “expected” to do.  I say that’s not good enough.  We were not given the gift of life so that we would be unhappy, exhausted, and complain all the time.  There has to be more to it, and it’s up to us to actually do something about it. 

     I plan on continuing to set goals for myself, and am hopeful that I may reach some more of them.  I don’t want to waste any more precious time.

     What would you really love to do?  What are you interested in, and without making any excuses, why aren’t you going after it with every fibre of your being ?  Living our dreams is not simply a nice idea - it is our duty, and it is the best gift we can ever give ourselves.  No regrets - no ” what if’s ” - no wondering - just be happy.  If we don’t try, we may never know …

     Last year, some of you may recall, I wrote a blog post called  ” Taking A Stand ” ( Feb. 23rd 2009 ) which had to do with Anti-Bullying Day.  This year, the date to wear our pink shirts etc. to let everyone know that bullying is NOT acceptable any time, any place is Wed. April 14th, 2010.

     I have cut and pasted below part of my post from last year, as it pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject:

Anyone who has either witnessed bullying, or been a victim of it, can tell you how damaging and far-reaching the effects can be.  Although physical attacks are horrible, it’s the psychological damage that can be done to a victim that can be even more scary.  The effects of a bully’s cruel words can last well into adulthood. 

     I have seen many talkshows where victims of bullies want to face them, and tell them how they ruined their lives, and the sad thing is: many of the bullies either don’t remember the person, don’t remember doing it, or say ” it was a joke “.  Well, it’s not a joke.

     Bullies tend to pick on people they view as “weak” - kind, gentle, sweet people, who can’t/won’t fight back.  Obviously, the bully has self-esteem issues him/herself, or they wouldn’t need to appear ” tough ” or “cool “, or whatever their warped mind perceives their actions to make them.  As an adult, it’s easy to see that bullies have unhappy lives themselves, or they wouldn’t feel the need to try and make someone else feel lower than them.  As a child, however, the victim of a bully only feels worthless.  Public humiliation only re-enforces these feelings.

     Unfortunately, bullying does not stop in the schoolyard.  There seems to be one in every workplace, as well.  It may not be as obvious ( they may not physically or verbally threaten others ) but they may just be loud and obnoxious, boss others around ( delusions of grandeur, perhaps ? ) and act like they own the place.  What I don’t get, is why does society tolerate any of this ?  What ever happened to being nice to one another ?  I guess that takes more effort, and many people aren’t capable of caring about anyone beyond themselves. ( victims of bad parenting, I daresay . )

     Anyway, I hope that everyone who cares about others will wear pink on April 14th,  support all the victims of bullying, and send a clear message that bullying is not acceptable, and definitely not cool.

     You can find more info on this year’s events here.

Pink Shirt Day 2010

     Since I started doing some singing and acting a few years back, there have been several times when I have either had to get professional headshots done, or full-on photoshoots.  I, like most people, do not particularly like having my picture taken.  We all have certain features we don’t mind about ourselves, and we all have things we’d sooner not see too closely, in the wrong light, or at a bad angle.

     Personally, I think about 95% of pictures I have seen of myself are not very good.  I know we are all most critical of ourselves, but you have to admit, we’ve all seen not-so-flattering pics of pretty much everyone we know -  it happens.  I guess I always assumed that if you paid good money to a professional photographer, you would end up looking good, somehow.  Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

     I have been to quite a few Vancouver photographers, and I have to say that the only one who truly ” captured my essence ” ( in my opinion ) was the magnificent Kevin Clark.  I first met Kevin and his wife in 2005, when we did promotional shots, as well as the cover shot for my CD, “I’m Beginning To See The Light “.  They were a class act from the moment we walked in there.  His wife ( also a Makeup Artist ) totally respected the fact that I have my own ” look “, and that I’d pretty much done my own makeup before arriving.  She did a bit of ” tweaking ” to prepare me for the camera, but she let me look like me, which made me totally relaxed.

     She and Kevin were both super nice, great people, and I liked them both instantly.  The photoshoot was definitely one of the most fun things I have ever done - it was my 1st real photoshoot, and I’ll never forget it.  It was every little girl’s fantasy - to feel like a princess for a few hours - to look in the mirror and not mind what you see.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I am naturally a very shy person, but during that session, I felt anything but shy.  It was nice for once to not feel self-conscious, to just relax, and let the real me shine through.  Kevin totally brought that out of me.

     I would highly recommend Kevin Clark to anyone who is looking for good quality promo/headshots in the Vancouver area.  To this day, I have never seen any pictures of myself that have been so “true” to what I look like, as his were.

Heather Photoshoot 2005

Attitude

Playful

Serious

     When my 1920’s - 1950’s Big Band/Swing/Lounge CD ” I’m Beginning To See The Light ” came out in 2005, I knew it was going to be difficult to get much promotion, since nobody knew who I was.  I didn’t have any famous person endorsing me, or any financial backing of any kind - I paid for everything myself, and people basically heard about me by word of mouth.  Friends, family and co-workers were wonderful - they came to my CD Release Party, bought CD’s either there, online at CD Baby, or from me directly, and they told their friends and families about me.

     My dream was just that people would like my CD, and that perhaps, with some luck, I would ” break even ” financially.  Well, I did get a lot of positive feedback  regarding the CD, and that made me very happy.  It is always great to hear that people like something you have done - it makes you feel that maybe you were right to believe in yourself for once,  to take a chance , and do something that is important to you, something you truly are passionate about.  Sadly, when virtually no one knows who you are, for the most part, nobody really cares to give you a chance, in ” the Industry. “  I never even came anywhere close to ” breaking even ” in terms of the money I had to spend to make the CD.

     I remember my Dad being quite upset that the local Vancouver Radio Stations weren’t putting my songs into rotation.  He asked me about the whole ” Canadian Content ” thing on the radio stations, and he felt it was ridiculous that I couldn’t get anyone in my own city to care enough to play my CD.  It seemed as though if you weren’t either rich or famous, you would never be given a chance.  ( When you think about that, how can an “unknown” artist ever become known, if no one is willing to give them some exposure ? )

     On June 24th, 2005, I received an e-mail from a Radio Show Host in Buenos Aires, Argentina.  His name was José Luis Ajzenmesser, and he told me he had a radio show entitled ” La Guagua “, and at that time, it had been on the air for about 14 years, primarily playing Jazz.  He said he had come across some of my song clips online, and he really liked what he had heard.  He then asked if I would mind sending him a CD, so that he might play some of my songs on his show in future.  I had no idea who this man was, and I will admit, at first, I wasn’t sure about it all.  I am not in the habit of mailing things to complete strangers, and I didn’t know anything about him.

     After exchanging several more e-mails, and finding out that he truly did host a radio show, and genuinely liked my music, I decided to mail him a CD.  I thought perhaps he would listen to it, and maybe play one of my songs on his show some time, at best.  Well, after he received my CD and listened to the entire thing, he e-mailed me back, and told me how much he loved it.  Obviously, that made me feel good, since he hosted a Jazz  Show on the radio.  I thought it was very kind of him, and I didn’t think much more would come of it.

     I got yet another e-mail, telling me that he was going to dedicate half an hour of one of his shows to my CD, on Sept. 1st, 2005.  I could not believe it.  A complete stranger had heard bits of my songs online, and liked them so much that they were willing to play my songs for half an hour straight.  This was not in my city, or even my Country, but in Argentina.  I was completely blown away.  José was true to his word - he talked about me on his show, played 6 of my songs, and an online friend from Buenos Aires translated for a few of us while the show was on, so we’d know what he was saying about me.  That was one of the most amazing, kind things anyone has ever done for me.  He even played ” You Belong To Me ” ( my personal favourite ) twice, because he said he always loved that song since he was younger, and he enjoyed my version so much.

     I will never forget that wonderful man for dedicating that half hour of his show to me, and my CD.  It’s nice to know that somewhere in the world, a complete stranger was willing to take a chance on an ” unknown artist “, and play my music for his listeners. 

     I have to wonder if things will ever change here, though… why won’t radio stations support more local artists, and give them a chance to be heard ? It just seems wrong to get more support from a stranger than in your own city …. any thoughts ?

     It probably comes as no surprise to many of you that I have a thing for Ancient Egypt.  I first saw King Tut’s exhibit in Ontario in the 70’s, and that was it for me.  Since then, I have always been drawn to the art and artifacts of Egypt’s past.  To me, nothing can compare - it simply takes my breath away with its beauty.

     My dream trip has always been to go to Egypt and see the Pyramids.  If I could only have one more trip in my entire life, that is the one I would pick - it is definitely on my list of things to do before I die. 

Luxor Pyramid

     I guess that is a big part of why I love Las Vegas so much - the Luxor Hotel makes me feel close to fulfilling those travel dreams.  The first time we went to Vegas, we stayed at the Luxor, and we’ve stayed there many times since.

Golden Luxor Statue

     I get my Egyptian “fix” each time I stay at the Luxor - there are always new things to look at, every time you go - it is constantly changing.  Last time we were there, there was word that they were going to phase out the Egyptian-themed shops etc., which doesn’t seem to make much sense.  We wondered if they may be thinking of closing the hotel or something - after all, why would an Egyptian-themed Hotel scale down the Egyptian things in it?

Fabulous Gold Egyptian Mirror

          Not only is the hotel decorated with fabulous Statues etc., but the rooms are furnished much in the same manner - I always wish I could commission someone to re-create these amazing tables, chairs etc. for me.